¥ATO (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sweatypalms) wrote2014-08-23 04:46 pm
sweatypalms) wrote2014-08-23 04:46 pm(no subject)
I HIT 1K time for baby's first questions meme!!!! come at me.
I only play this fucker.
I only play this fucker.
sweatypalms) wrote2014-08-23 04:46 pm
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EPONA!!! Just being on a team at all is a weird thing for him in ways he does not yet fully appreciate. It's actually really significant - in canon, it takes him FIVE HUNDRED YEARS or something ridiculous to MAKE ONE POSITIVE, LASTING (human) CONNECTION and that's a huge fuckin' deal for him. Kyr's obviously a completely different situation which is gonna certainly have an impact.
In a 100% selfish way right now though he's thankful the team exists. Not just because they're his ticket to winning back his memories and fixing his world, although that's definitely part of it. But because he knows that if he's forgotten by people, he'll de-exist, but the team guarantees that he has a group of five/six people around him who remember him, so they've all become his lifeline. If he was ever separated from them completely for any significant length of time, he would likely begin to actually panic, because he kind of needs them and they might forget him. But DESPITE THIS, he doesn't feel particularly close to the team. Or anyone, currently. It's only been a couple weeks for him, which is not enough time for him to really form a meaningful relationship, because he sucks at that. And he does feel separate from them, like he can never quite exist on equal terms with them, because lol god. So he tends to think of them at the team and him as some guy who hangs around in the dorm, although that's starting to change. Going through a lot of shit together will do that.
AS INDIVIDUALS THOUGH...
Blade, he thinks of as the Team Leader, or something like it, just by virtue of being Old and having been around on the team for clearly a very long time. Not that that means Yato particularly respects him or anything, he just seems like maybe the most competent person to handle the kids. (Also maybe the one Yato could sort of relate to the most, at least on the MURDER front, but that's another essay.)
Star's one of the kids who needs handling and I'm gonna tl;dr about his relationship with her to Sipp anyway but she and Blade are the first two to come to mind when he thinks of his team and the two he's managed to get to know better than the rest so far.
Flame... I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE, FLAME'S BATSHIT... before he just thought of Flame as an awkward quiet kid and not much else BUT NOW...
I think he's said like two words to Coco and he didn't know Knives very well (though she clearly had a good head on her shoulders), he's just met Laser and Mushroom and has no real opinion of them other than maybe feeling slightly resentful that the STATUS QUO HAS BEEN DISRUPTED. Epona's kind of in flux, but at long as he has them around and they haven't forgotten them, he can deal.
Gimme Blade's thoughts on the state of Epona rn.
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The thing is, the "state of Epona" is never really awesome. As a team they're kind of perpetually in flux and they have trouble connecting with each other on a deeper level. That's not to say it never happens, but they don't have the kind of relationship other teams have where they all have hug fests and feelingsjams and the like. Epona all gets along well enough but for a lot of them, that's about the extent of it.
However there are times where Epona is clearly Going Through Shit and this is one of them. Now Blade is post-game, and the game he was in before this one was also teamnesia: his team there was Fawn, and Miles/Charles was also on that team. Blade loved Fawn a lot, and they were all very similar in temperament and more importantly, they all agreed on how to handle games and their interactions with other teams. Epona does not do that! So Blade struggles with Epona at times because he doesn't feel as close to them as he did to his old team. This usually comes up when Star and/or Flame are like "no let's not hurt anyone" in games, whereas Blade would rather hurt someone else and save the team.
Until the Flame incident things were generally fine, just kind of normal. Blade suffered through the post-traumaprom stuff pretty much in silence because he didn't want to unload his personal problems on Epona when they had their own shit to deal with. But it was hard for him and he was already on a downslide emotionally. He was feeling a bit trapped being stuck in Epona while he recovered too. Then Flame happened :'D
Blade takes the inherent safety of Epona within their own dorm very seriously. He viewed that incident as a total betrayal of that. Plus because Flame was also involved in Miles losing his memories, Flame is... copping the brunt of Blade's anger and resentment. He knows rationally Nyssa was behind it. Emotionally, he doesn't give a shit.
What really tipped Blade over the edge is that he went home and found their patron was dying and needed help for the quest... only to really struggle to pull any of them together to do it. He'd recently admitted to Miles that sometimes he just really wants some help. And yet there he was asking THEM all for help and not really getting much enthusiasm. So even though he knows it's not their fault and he doesn't blame any of them for not wanting to be around Epona, it was hilariously bad timing and so he just... does not want to be the one trying to fix things or hold things together anymore. He's just Done, at the moment. And he gets the impression Star is also Done, and Yato is Yato so he can never tell if he really cares that much. He's a little resentful that he tried to talk Yato through some stuff and didn't feel like he made progress.
Basically at the moment Blade thinks Epona is a disaster zone and he doesn't want to have to fix it. He's tired of trying without success. Granted, some of his is on him because he finds it hard to be open emotionally, although he's been making progress in that area. Also because he makes hideously bad decisions sometimes and he's Magneto. But all he's really gotten out of this is he took one night off to help someone else and the team imploded. He doesn't want to feel like the lynchpin holding them together. He is not a good choice for that. I think he'll get over it with time and come back, but right now he really needs time apart for himself.
New question, what does Yato think about Yukine at the moment?