¥ATO (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sweatypalms) wrote2014-08-23 04:46 pm
sweatypalms) wrote2014-08-23 04:46 pm(no subject)
I HIT 1K time for baby's first questions meme!!!! come at me.
I only play this fucker.
I only play this fucker.
sweatypalms) wrote2014-08-23 04:46 pm
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LEAST FAVORITE: Not remembering anything. That's frustrating as hell. Especially since some of the memories he does have are making him kinda uneasy. The trauma games suck balls, but it's not actually the concept of games that bother him right now — being asked to do terrible, even cruel, shit in order to survive (to get shards, in this case) is pretty much his lot in life and he can fall back into it easily — but he can't go anywhere, he can't really escape the fallout or, y'know, getting involved with and developing feelings about people here. Whoops.
YOUR TURN what's been the highlight of Kyr for Lace and what's been the lowest point?
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AS FOR THE WORST PART it would definitely be trauma games. for better or worse she's used to awful things happening (see: her world), but at least back home she gets the impression that she had the means to stop those things and correct them, even if it was at great risk to herself. here she doesn't have that same level of power, which is hard to swallow, especially when her friends get hurt or die horribly.
yato's thoughts on the team system!
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Star!!1
Yato doesn't really have any 'important people' at this point, but there are people he is ssstarting to care about, and she might be at the top of that list. Accidentally; it mostly has to do with traumaprom. PRIOR TO THE GAME she was just someone fun to tease and try to extort money from?? NOTHING REALLY SERIOUS. And before it, he hadn't really been through anything awful - he'd seen the team suffer during his first trauma game shortly after he arrived, but that was more inconvenient to him at that point than anything - he was party to her suffering this time, and that made it much more personal. He wasn't traumatized by it by any stretch, but it was certainly a sobering experience.
Although he wasn't willing to die for her, he didn't have any particular desire to watch her die either; losing one of the only people he knows here would suck probably. And maybe, y'know, he did recognize how incredibly shitty it was that she had to decide to die because he wouldn't do the same for her. So he made an offer (what he's afraid of is de-existing - temporary pain, he can deal with), which made her grateful, which was important in and of itself, but it also failed - it meant he kept his arm, but it also meant that by that point he was sure all he could do for her was off her quickly. But she wanted to sit and talk for a little while instead, which was... strange to him. He didn't really feel like he was much use in that capacity, but there it was, and it did mean getting up close and personal with coping process of someone about to die. Gross. And then her sad corpse became his responsibility, along with the entire team thanks to her wish... which he was maybe slightly useful for. And she wasn't even mad at him for any of this?? He doesn't get it, but he's not inclined to question it.
Star is someone he thinks of as selfless, to a stupid extent; whether or not she's as self-sacrificial as he assumes, he's reached the conclusion over the past couple weeks that she must be the sort who puts others' safety first. He's not about to condone helpless teenage girls running headlong into danger - like, towards, say, knife-wielding maniacs -- and he's firmly of the opinion that she should be more concerned about herself. After all, she's clearly a magnet for misfortune. In the time he's known her she lost an arm, gotten the plague, died (even if that one's kinda on him...), been jumpy and possibly possessed, Ella Enchanted, strangled and concussed... it doesn't matter that she had no control over much of it GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, GIRL or he might start to worry. Likewise, her tendency to stepford smile is probably going to become something he'll actively try to discourage, because fake smiles are useless. He can't really tell at this point how much of her cute bubbly energetic personality is just her, and how much is a front - stop that.
Of course she's still someone he'd gleefully and unapologetically torment if it benefits him in some way and he's not going to go out of his way to please her for the sake of it or try to concern himself with her personal problems. Don't worry!! Honestly, he hardly knows anything about her outside of what he's seen firsthand. But she does already hold a bit of power over him. To start with, she's one of the few people he thinks he can rely on to remember him - which translates into him
stalkingNEEDING HER ATTENTION. And then there's the fact that she's one of the few people who's expressed genuine gratitude towards him, which really does mean something, especially right now. He might be careless and selfish, but by default, he's motivated by the desire for praise and acknowledgement, via granting wishes or whatever. It was the reason he continued to murdergod (dad was proud of him!!) and also why he eventually changed gears. She hasn't heaped praise on him or anything by any means, but she's still acknowledged him for things he's done-! He doesn't have any other source of validation, and it's a new thing for him in Kyr. So while it's not THAT intense right now, if she were to keep it up . . .He's in a weird place right now where he's willing to accept that he might only be good for murder because he wants to believe he's good for something and that's all he has proof of, but he also knows that that wouldn't make her or probably anyone else in Kyr happy - if no one would wish for it or praise him for it, there's no point - so he has... no purpose?? HE'S A GOD OF NOTHING. Which is why at this point he might even become a kitchengod for her if she motivates him properly, because he has no idea what the fuck he's actually supposed to be doing.
relationship me if u wanna
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EPONA!!! Just being on a team at all is a weird thing for him in ways he does not yet fully appreciate. It's actually really significant - in canon, it takes him FIVE HUNDRED YEARS or something ridiculous to MAKE ONE POSITIVE, LASTING (human) CONNECTION and that's a huge fuckin' deal for him. Kyr's obviously a completely different situation which is gonna certainly have an impact.
In a 100% selfish way right now though he's thankful the team exists. Not just because they're his ticket to winning back his memories and fixing his world, although that's definitely part of it. But because he knows that if he's forgotten by people, he'll de-exist, but the team guarantees that he has a group of five/six people around him who remember him, so they've all become his lifeline. If he was ever separated from them completely for any significant length of time, he would likely begin to actually panic, because he kind of needs them and they might forget him. But DESPITE THIS, he doesn't feel particularly close to the team. Or anyone, currently. It's only been a couple weeks for him, which is not enough time for him to really form a meaningful relationship, because he sucks at that. And he does feel separate from them, like he can never quite exist on equal terms with them, because lol god. So he tends to think of them at the team and him as some guy who hangs around in the dorm, although that's starting to change. Going through a lot of shit together will do that.
AS INDIVIDUALS THOUGH...
Blade, he thinks of as the Team Leader, or something like it, just by virtue of being Old and having been around on the team for clearly a very long time. Not that that means Yato particularly respects him or anything, he just seems like maybe the most competent person to handle the kids. (Also maybe the one Yato could sort of relate to the most, at least on the MURDER front, but that's another essay.)
Star's one of the kids who needs handling and I'm gonna tl;dr about his relationship with her to Sipp anyway but she and Blade are the first two to come to mind when he thinks of his team and the two he's managed to get to know better than the rest so far.
Flame... I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE, FLAME'S BATSHIT... before he just thought of Flame as an awkward quiet kid and not much else BUT NOW...
I think he's said like two words to Coco and he didn't know Knives very well (though she clearly had a good head on her shoulders), he's just met Laser and Mushroom and has no real opinion of them other than maybe feeling slightly resentful that the STATUS QUO HAS BEEN DISRUPTED. Epona's kind of in flux, but at long as he has them around and they haven't forgotten them, he can deal.
Gimme Blade's thoughts on the state of Epona rn.
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The thing is, the "state of Epona" is never really awesome. As a team they're kind of perpetually in flux and they have trouble connecting with each other on a deeper level. That's not to say it never happens, but they don't have the kind of relationship other teams have where they all have hug fests and feelingsjams and the like. Epona all gets along well enough but for a lot of them, that's about the extent of it.
However there are times where Epona is clearly Going Through Shit and this is one of them. Now Blade is post-game, and the game he was in before this one was also teamnesia: his team there was Fawn, and Miles/Charles was also on that team. Blade loved Fawn a lot, and they were all very similar in temperament and more importantly, they all agreed on how to handle games and their interactions with other teams. Epona does not do that! So Blade struggles with Epona at times because he doesn't feel as close to them as he did to his old team. This usually comes up when Star and/or Flame are like "no let's not hurt anyone" in games, whereas Blade would rather hurt someone else and save the team.
Until the Flame incident things were generally fine, just kind of normal. Blade suffered through the post-traumaprom stuff pretty much in silence because he didn't want to unload his personal problems on Epona when they had their own shit to deal with. But it was hard for him and he was already on a downslide emotionally. He was feeling a bit trapped being stuck in Epona while he recovered too. Then Flame happened :'D
Blade takes the inherent safety of Epona within their own dorm very seriously. He viewed that incident as a total betrayal of that. Plus because Flame was also involved in Miles losing his memories, Flame is... copping the brunt of Blade's anger and resentment. He knows rationally Nyssa was behind it. Emotionally, he doesn't give a shit.
What really tipped Blade over the edge is that he went home and found their patron was dying and needed help for the quest... only to really struggle to pull any of them together to do it. He'd recently admitted to Miles that sometimes he just really wants some help. And yet there he was asking THEM all for help and not really getting much enthusiasm. So even though he knows it's not their fault and he doesn't blame any of them for not wanting to be around Epona, it was hilariously bad timing and so he just... does not want to be the one trying to fix things or hold things together anymore. He's just Done, at the moment. And he gets the impression Star is also Done, and Yato is Yato so he can never tell if he really cares that much. He's a little resentful that he tried to talk Yato through some stuff and didn't feel like he made progress.
Basically at the moment Blade thinks Epona is a disaster zone and he doesn't want to have to fix it. He's tired of trying without success. Granted, some of his is on him because he finds it hard to be open emotionally, although he's been making progress in that area. Also because he makes hideously bad decisions sometimes and he's Magneto. But all he's really gotten out of this is he took one night off to help someone else and the team imploded. He doesn't want to feel like the lynchpin holding them together. He is not a good choice for that. I think he'll get over it with time and come back, but right now he really needs time apart for himself.
New question, what does Yato think about Yukine at the moment?
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